When telling the truth sucks, what other choices do I have?

Meanwhile, I'm flying to Jakarta this noon! Yabedabedooo *jumping jumping*
I havent pack my stuff and I'm still mentally not prepared for this trip. Oh and please pray that nothing worst happen :)

AFF 2010 : 1

Hebat gile laaa pemain Malaysia tadi :D BANGGA weeey! Semua macam pandai gelecek bola oh oh! Senang-senang je boleh lepas dari defenders pihak lawan (bukan satu je, sampai tiga kot!). *terpesona* Si Fahmi The Goalie pun berjaya tangkap bola banyak kali. Strikers and defenders memang mantap lah! Norshahrul, Mohd Safee, Ashari, semua awesome belaka. Teringin nak ada skill macam tu haha :p (waktu ni la baru nak kenal pemain negara sendiri kannn teeet!)

Masa masuk gawang Malaysia mati-mati ingat dah gol. Hampir berhenti jantung -_-" (ok. over sikit) tapi off side rupanya. Phew!

And the Indonesian team, they are really fast-runners. I've seen them play against Philipinnes' team and I can tell. Muhammad Nasuha tu kalau main fuh macam jago kampung bawak bola ke depan. Gonzales pulak macam setiap game, wajib la ada satu gol daripada beliau. Si Irfan Bachim pun hebat gile lah kalau bab-bab kejar bola. Dan si Okto, oh dia macam terror kontrol bola wey. I haven't see yet the talent of Bambang Pamungkas. Orang kata dia hebat woo. Ala-ala Indonesian football star la kan.

Buat rasa nak main bola pula hoho dan gollll!


But then the worst scenario is that few people yang suka nak provoke, saja nak naikkan kemarahan pihak lain. And this goes to both of the parties! No exception okay!

p/s : No provocation please :)

Dah laaama sangat tak keluar, just the three of us. I hardly can remember when was the last time. Tak pernah lengkap bertiga, biasanya berdua je kan hehe.

Thanks for the yummy date loves! :)

Sweet Thoughts

Simple thought always is the best :)

P/s : Malam ni pakai baju kuning eh?
Malaysia Boleh!
;)

Nakkk!

One of things is my wishlist is to have a music box or this;

Hooo yeah! *wink*


Oh, and btw, tetibe macam sangat semangat nak tengok AFF 2010
Malaysia vs. Indonesia!
Jom pergi Jakarta :p
Si cowok baju merah, ceweknya baju kuning!
Patriotik takkk?

We always think that people took us for granted, without realizing that we did that too.
The most important thing is, we always took what Allah gave to us for granted. Yet we always see ourselves as the one who is victimized.

I love to think a lot. And attending Agama class makes me think about things. Well, ya know?

P/s : Sorry the previous post tak pernah menuju kepada sesiapa. Umum. And kena batang hidung saya jugak at times, sebab kadang kita hanya jadi pihak yang bercerita, tanpa nak ambil kisah tentang cerita orang lain. Jangan terasa eh? Heee. Yon, yon.. *geleng kepala*

Listen :)

Everything is not all about you.

Don't be so dramatic.

Yes, you want to be heard out.

But sometimes, you've got to play the other part.

And when that time comes,

just listen.

Without interrupting.

That's more than enough :)

p/s : I wish to be with my family at this moment, because I still feel like crying and mourning.

I've been haunted by the past.
Your past.

Prayers for You

Today, I received an sms from my sis, informing me about our late greatgrandma who had passed away this noon. I was not feeling well today and I felt like skipping Agama class today, so I asked boyfie to send me home. It wasn't till I settled in my room that I read the sms. Shocked? Sure. Everytime I went to see my greatgrandma during holiday, I've already remind myself, that this might be the last time I'll be seeing her. The last chance to ask for forgiveness.

I've actually prepared myself for this. I've always thought that this day would come, sooner or later. That one day she'll be leaving us behind for good. But somehow I'm having trouble in accepting this for now. I just can't imagine how it would be when I go back home again. Do I have to remind myself that she won't be there no more? That I won't be able to see her anymore?

Because I see that wrinkled face everyday since I was a baby, and I listen to that same voice everyday, nagging us, preaching us about this and that. I was practically raised by her too.

And I see how the cloudy eyes gets blurry each day as a result of cataract that she can no longer see clearly and recognize us anymore, or how her hearing ability get worse by time that the only way to speak to her is by somewhat yelling at her, or how her memory quickly fade that you have to remind her who you are over and over again.

I miss how we would inform her about the prayer time, everytime azan. I miss turning her radio on so that she can listen to the Holy Al-Quran recitation, all day long. I miss her stories about our family. I miss taking her in my arms to help her climb the stairs, or sit beside her quietly, patiently answer her questions. I miss holding that small cold hands with mine.

I'm used to it, for more than 20 years. Not having her around anymore, that's what I'm not used to. Then how can I just simply absorb and register to myself that she's no longer here?

Lots and lots of prayers. Al fatihah.

Dec 5th, last year

Yes, i melted over it. I have to admit that getting a special poem from a special someone, I feel like a piece of chocolate bar under the bright hot rays of the sun. I wasn't sure at that time, as we knew that this relationship is not going to be that easy and smooth all the way (then again, which relationship does?).

I talked to a lot of people about it at that time, including my groupmates (circle of trust), my best friends and I did tell my mom somehow. And I received a lot of feedbacks. Some of which are very supportive yet few gave a solid NO. There's even a few people who kinda splurted that issue out of sudden which such cynicism. They have their own reasons I know, and that's all for my best.

It's been one year now. And I still can't say for sure what it's going to be between me and Mr. D. All I want to do is treasure this present moment together, take things as it is and be grateful.

Sorry for haven't been around when you guys need me :(
I've been too busy with myself that I missed so much on things that happened around..

I just can't wait for this weekend!

*sengihhhh kambing*

Natural Remedy

Rambut gugur macam daun-daun kering pada masa luruh

I'm going bald!
If this doesn't stop
T_T


I put aloe vera from our front yard on my scalp once. And I think it works for a while, until recently. Duhhh! Kalau nak cantik, nak itu ini mesti nak hasil yang cepat tanpa usaha berterusan kan?pffft. Nanti la, will try again later inshaAllah :)

Using aloe vera on the hair cleanses and conditions the scalp, helps balance the pH of the scalp, reduces oiliness, moisturizes dry hair and helps repair damaged hair. In addition, the gel from aloe's leaves can even stimulate hair growth in some cases, or at the least, prevent further balding. Simiar to its benefits for the skin, aloe vera softens, fortifies and rejuvenates the hair, while it flushes dirt, debris and bacteria from the scalp. It can be used on the hair in a variety of ways, though the most popular consist of purchasing or making your own aloe shampoos and conditioners, or applying pure aloe gel to the hair. - Ezine @rticle

Jumpa ni kat blog lain :)

Helping hands

As you can see at the top of your right side (in my blog page of course), there's a link where you can help out and donate some money to Merapi's victims. It is an effort from a friend, cojoined with PKPMI-CY.

The very least you can do is to copy, paste and put this link in your blog :


https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_donations&business=NJJMY54HEKGCU&lc=MY&item_name=PKPMI-CY+Merapi+Eruption+Victims+Fund&item_number=Merapi&currency_code=USD&bn=PP-DonationsBF%3Abtn_donateCC_LG.gif%3ANonHosted


Who knows by a simple action we can give them a HUGE favour?
Let's share and care :)

Therapy!

Hahaha. I was so much wrapped with negative thoughts yesterday and I just don't feel like imprisoned myself all day long alone in my room. I already slept twice and I don't think I can sleep more. Tensed. So I call a cab and went to Amplaz! Yeah, by myself. I don't feel like having a company with me as I don't feel like pretending as if I'm somewhat fine and answering tons questions from them tehehe :p

Saya nak explore Amplaz sepuas-puasnyaaa (tanpa perlu ikut sapa-sapa, tunggu sapa-sapa)! Hunting alone. And I did :) Bought myself a blouse, pants and two sets of lingerie! Plus, yesterday there was late night sale at Amplaz (one-day only). Jackpot! *excited* I wish to buy moreeee actually.
Then boyfie tagged along and we went for dinner and karaoke.

Dari hasil perbelanjaan, which exceed Rp. 300,000 I registered for Centro member card. For every Rp. 25k which is spent, I can earn 1 point. *promote pulak tiba-tiba*

Centro friends card with lots of promotion booklets!

and I get a free Slushie voucher. Slurppp!

So much stress yesterday. But at least I feel happy today! Superhappy!

p/s : This is the first time I feel so excited about shopping after so long! Daddlidumdum :D

"And He found you lost and guided [you], And He found you poor and made [you] self-sufficient"

[ Ad-Dhuha : 7-8 ]

- Something to be remembered all the times..Taken from NIR's fb status :)

A lost soul

Lately I blamed myself for things that happened. I used to think positive and being an optimist but I rather find myself being a complete opposite, and it's been going on for quite some time now. Keeping all my emotions doesn't do me any good as it eats me from the inside and I feel like screaming the whole things out of my chest. All I want is to have some peace again, let my soul and mind to be at ease.

When you said, "..membenarkan apa yang salah..", I went silent. It hit me, very hard indeed because I know you were right.

O' The Almighty,
have a mercy on us for You are the one who guide us and open our hearts to You

Our eyes meet each other
Bind together
Not to greet
Nor give warmth
They just tease and taunt
Tense and awkward
Albeit it only last for a few seconds
We can still feel it

I know her, and I know damn well that she knew me too

Dead City

It feels like living in a dead city seriously! The surroundings are thickly covered with grey ashes that the first you look out of your window you thought that it is somewhat an ancient setting, way before the civilization era. Maybe when the dinosaur still exist *whoaaa* :p

*view from my bedroom*

*ashy mini garden*

But still, our Agama class went on as scheduled (I was hoping that it'll be cancelled somehow). We were reminded to put on face mask as these ashes might irritate our throats and cause us breathing problems. Boy, the road was covered with greyish dusty ashes, and everytime a car or a motorcycle passed by, the ashes would float in the air, making us difficult to drive.

*on our way to campus*

P/s : Thank goodness it only look like a dead city with no zombies wandering around! :p

"People vanish, people die.

People laugh and people cry.
Some give up, some will try.
Some say hi, while some say bye."

I'm gonna be an aunt by next year!

Sape kata tak boleh ada anak buah kalau adik-beradik kita semua tak kahwin lagi? Teman kita pun saudara kita jugak kan?

Dulu, selalu dapat wedding invitation kawan-kawan sekolah. Walaupun tak berkesempatan nak menghadirkan diri, tapi tumpang bahagia tengok semua orang jumpa jodoh masing-masing. Jealous pun ada. Hellooo, sape tak jeles kawan yang sama umur sama baya dengan kita semua pakat nikah, macam marathon pulak tu. Semua orang nikah dekat-dekat. Kita kena tambah satu musim lagi dalam hidup kita selain musim buah,musim cuaca, yakni musim kenduri.Tapi baguslah, nikah awal-awal, kurang la sikit dosa kan T_T pahala pun dapat. Best best.




Eh,cop! Cop! Mari kita tambah satu lagi musim next year! Musim beranak-pinak. Haha. I'm expecting 3 babies next year. First great news adalah dari kakak Encik D (hampir nak tulis kakak ipar :p). Baru nikah Feb tahun ni, and by April next year insyaAllah due. Sangat gumbira rasa macam nak dapat anak saudara sendiri pulak. Hehe.

Second and third news from my schoolmates. Razan baru je nikah Mac tahun ni, tengah mengandung err lupa berapa bulan. However dia ada sikit problem sekarang sebab ada pregnancy-induced hypertension dan gestational diabetes mellitus. Doakan supaya takde pape ok?

Sorang lagi ni si Belle dengan Fakhrul. Belle buzzed me this morning nak kasi tahu berita gembira ni sendiri. Baru je check guna pregnancy test kit. Diorang nikah 2 tahun lepas rasanya. Both are first child so their baby(ies) will be the first grandchild(ren).[<--- mana la taw kot-kot anak kembar ke kan].




Tetibe tergoogle gambar babies! Comel! :)

Penniless

First time dikala waktu nak exam tak terdeviate untuk tengok cerita or drama! Bangga ;)
Tapi tetap terpesong dari buku dan lecture notes sebab kejap-kejap bukak facebook, youtube, twitter(time study week la tetiba aktif balik -_-"). Haish.

Semua budak-budak JPA waktu-waktu ni mesti tengah menghitung hari bila la nak masuk duit. Almaklumlah memang dah nak dekat hujung bulan dah ni.

Most of the study week I was at home, so I don't have to think about daily budget for eating out and such. I even almost forget that my purse is getting thinner since I didn't really take a peek into it while at home. But when I went out, being penniless strike out on me. I was so embarrassed to ask people out and that is no exception with my bf as well. When he asked where I'd like to dine for example, I suddenly go mute. I was too shy to ask for anything knowing that I couldn't afford to pay for it.

After our 4.1 exam paper we went out for a late lunch with a bunch of my Indonesian colleagues. Again, he paid for my food. Then we went for a movie RED(Retired : Extremely Dangerous). Since we have about half an hour before the movie started we went out searching for drinks and takoyaki at the nearest Giant. It was really disturbing to see all those price tags. Rasa macam sangat tak mampu. Nak pilih air apa pun tak tahu. Aqua botol kecik pun teragak-agak nak ambik. Terkedu.

Sekarang ni kalau rasa bosan nak ajak sape-sape keluar pun malas(baca:segan). Malas nak ingatkan diri sendiri tengah pokai. Malas nak sedih-sedih pikir lebih-lebih pasal duit. Dan kalau boleh tak nak pergi money changer convert Ringgit kepada Rupiah. Malas nak suruh parent susah-susah bank in duit. Dan malas nk sms cousin banyak-banyak kali suruh dia transfer duit sebab dia berhutang haritu.


P/s : Maluuuu sangat nak mintak apa-apa from parents sebab result teruk macam hape kan -_-"

Just rasa sketch orang yang kat tepi tu comel! Hehe :)

I'm sick of listening to stories about other girls.
I don't want to know.
And I don't give a damn.




E.M.O waktu-waktu nak exam macam ni T_T

The man who can't be moved
- The Script -


I ain't moving no where.
I'll be the last man standing :p
err, meaning, last defender for my futsal team!

Sleeping Partners

Oh sonok sonok! Nak cite how I got my sleeping partners! Shall we start with the most right first?

*Bantal MAS : Ya betul! Tepat sekali! Ni bantal Malaysia Airlines, yang dibawa turun secara haram oleh aku dan NIR(nama dirahsiakan). Masing-masing beroleh satu bantal dan satu selimut MAS setelah menyeludup barang-barang tersebut ke dalam bagpack kami. Tahniah!

*Sepasang puppy-like bear with no name : Ni hadiah dari ex-bf, nak buang sayang kan. Simpan je la. I used to give 'em names, but then I tend to forget and gave them a new name, pastu lupa lagi. So, takyah ada nama la bole tak? Me and Yaya used to imagine how they bark.

Me : wuff wuff
Yaya : auk auk

and we were quarelling about who makes the correct sound at 2 am during Ramadhan 2 years ago(if not mistaken) and ending up tak bangun for sahur. The next morning Abah tanya kenapa bising-bising semalam. Hehe.

*Seppi : Dapat after 1month with Mr.D. Semacam monthly gift and it came with one red rose :)
How Seppi got its name? Loooong story. Pendek cerita ; from Upin-Ipin the Movie.

*Pangeran Kodok/Putera Katak/Frog Prince : Ni hadiah 2nd month :p Haritu kelas sampai petang, balik rumah penat-penat and it was my turn to cook. Tak sempat nak letak beg dalam bilik, terus terjah dapur. Punya la Mr.D nak kasi surprise, he actually came to my house while I was at campus, ask Jaja to put the kodok in my room as a surprise. Taaaaapi, tengah-tengah sms masa masak tu(melampau!) he blurted his own surprise. Hahaha.

*Bebulu : I bought this at carrefour Amplaz by my ownself. Desperate kah? Oh tidak kot! My bestfriend gave me almost exactly that same bear when I was in KTT and i didn't bring it to Jogja with me. Ni macam pengganti. And backkk then at KTT, Aisyah called it 'Bebulu' sampai terlekat nama tu

*Patrick : This is my 21st birthday present, a gift from a friend, posted all the way from Malaysia. Oh, rasa sweet sekejap :p Si Patrick ni pernah kena jahit sebab lengan dia terkoyak sikit. Dan-dan pulak masa tu tengah OSCE, haaa, jadi patient for suturing la jawabnya.

*Bubu : The name is Bubu, which actually came from the word 'bulat' sebab katak ni bulat sangat macam buncit + gendut + obese dan segala bagai. Ternampak masa keluar pegi Amplaz, so Mr.D bought it. Ni bukan hadiah sambutan atau perayaan apa-apa. Saja-saja je :p


p/s I : I usually don't give name to bears. Most of the time orang lain yang kasi nama. See what happened to that puppy-like bears when I decided to pick their names? They end up with none at all.

p/s II : They are considered as my wonderpets since I don't like to have a 'lively' pet. Tak tahan kalau mati and tak dapat jaga dengan baik. Dah la penggeli (ada ke perkataan tu Sudin? -__-").

Oh no! Besok kena present 'Breaking Bad News'. Nite y'all.

A No-No For Your Hair

I was going thorough nuffnang's website and this blog caught my attention. Here's one article that I think everyone already knew about :

The Seven Deadly Sins of Hair

#01 Towel drying

Oh we were practically raised to dry our hair straight away after bath right? And so far I never stop doing it and it's been more than 20 years now.

#02 Brushing hair

Hah! This is one of unavoidable thing and a must-to-do for me. I used to let it dry first then brush my hair, but at that time my hair would already look like a huge mess. Combing your hair while it's still wet is a crime! For it is easier to break and fall :(

#03 Blow drying

Now thanks to not owning one, so I don't blow my hair dry, unless when i went for a hair cut or hair treatment. Overdrying can kill your hair.

#04 Colouring

Never done this though I think it's cool heh.

#05 Straightening & curling

I adored long shiny straight hair when I was in high school. It was "in" trend at the moment I guess. Curly hair? Depend on how curl and how it looks and I think now more and more people curl their hair rather than just keep it straight. I noticed in Spanish drama, most of the actresses wear their hair straight with some rosy curly pattern at the hair end. Me like that very much :)

#06 Ponytails

Raise your hand with me if you do this! :p When your hair gets longer and you care less about your hair like me, ponytails is a way to manage your hair so that it won't be hanging and dangling around. Haih! Should let the hair free once in a while when you get a chance.

#07 Styling

I was a noob at hair management and how on earth do you expect me to know about hair styling? -_-"

Let sum up how many sins we did with our hair. I scored 3 out of 7. No wonder la my hair is not that healthy :p

OSCE 3rd Year

Dah takde benda yang boleh dibanggakan. Result first year dulu je yang boleh nak tayang-tayang kat orang. Masuk tahun kedua dah start, "London bridge is falling down falling down falling down" kan? Apalah nasib jadi budak pemalas.

Haa. Tu baru cakap pasal block exam, belum OSCE lagi. E-v-e-r-y year, result OSCE aku memang akan kantoi la. Tak pernah nak pass semua station. First year kantoi kat eye exam, second year fail satu station, lupa pulak station apa, third year makin grand fail 4 station! Darn!

Budak-budak dalam group aku pun semua dapat teruk-teruk. Fail 4 station tu dah average, kira hebat la tu (hek kau). Semua orang cakap, "bukan salah korang, doktor tu yang kedekut markah, sebab tu dia kasi fail je semua orang". Tak logik la kan dalam satu group takde sorang pun yang lulus. But then, getting that kind of result makes you doubt yourself. Nak menyumpah kat diri sendiri pun ada.T_T.


Sekian. Dah malas nak tulis panjang-panjang nanti jadi laaaaagi emo -___-"

Raya

Instead of Takbir Raya being played continuously, all I can hear is the sound of fireworks everywhere. Till at one point it sounded as if the world is going to explode at any moment!

As I grow up, year by year, the excitement to celebrate Raya slowly shrink. Maybe because no more 'angpau'. No more grandparents. No more hopes for Raya.

P/s : Kena cari makna Raya. So that you'll have the feelings again.

4th Year Begin, NOW!

I arrived back in Jogja a day before our new semester starts, and oh boy, travelling is very much tiring and being in aeroplane for an hour(KB-KL) then for two and a half hour(KL-JOGJA) only kept me dehydrated all day long. Dah la time ni puasa kan? I was invited to join Mr.D and his family for iftar together at Bu Suharti, but I could only refuse to join them as I have to unpack and clean up my one-month-left room which already smell like a house of cockroaches. Sigh

On the very first day, the class started at the earliest possible hour, 7am!Dang. And to add on that Mr.D was, " yeay, besok boleh pergi library sama-sama". Agak Nerd di situ ,yes? I don't have a heart to disappoint him. So yeah. you know the rest of course.

And a day before I came back to Jogja, they said there was one hell of a shake, earthquake happened! No more earthquake before we went back again for Raya please?

Tumblr oh Tumblr!

I'm not good in writing. I've read other people's blog and they were much better than what I've been rambling in my post, which is just full of crap! Therefore, I sign up for a Tumblr account as well, where I upload loads of cute and lovely pictures and great inspirational quotes that I randomly stumbled into (to be true, I just reblogged it from other blogs..hehe).

Here are some of them, ranging from :

- a lip-shaped bangle

- cool sunglasses

- a lovely pair of heels

I wish I had this as my bedroom :)

and this on my desk! aaah!

At first it was just because I like this one singer, who happens to have a Tumblr. Plus, it was a new thing at that moment, so I thought it'd be cool to have one. Until recently, loads of my friends are actually creating their own Tumblr. Cool huh?

Tag dari Cik Fatin

Dah lama gileee tak update blog, gara-gara takde internet connection for the 1st week kat rumah haritu. Plus, hari-hari duduk depan TV mengadap cerita kartun dengan Fawwaz, apa la sangat update yang boleh ditulis kan?

Terbuka hati nak buka blog Miss Fatin Fiona dan terlihatlah nama saya muncul di situ. Hehe. Thanks Fatin, you just give me a reason to actually type something over here :D

1. Adakah anda merasakan anda hot?
Okaaaay! Define HOT for me please. Lain orang lain takrifannya betul ke tak? Macam perkataan SEXY jugak. Ada orang kata kalau pakai baju yang mendedahkan cutaneous tissue tuh HOT and SEXY. Tapi tak smestinya kan? Kan? Tapi memang la, pemakaian, cara penampilan akan membuatkan seseorang tu nampak HOT.
Saya tak rasa saya HOT. Dan tak pernah ada orang cakap saya HOT ahaha. *dengan niat nak suruh orang cakap ek? Eh, tak tak! Tak perlu.* Saya dah bersyukur dengan kenormalan ini. Tiada cacat anggota tubuh badan pun dah cukup HOT. Alhamdulillah :)

2. Upload wallpaper pc/laptop anda gunakan sekarang
Oh oh! Wokeyh!
3. Cerita pasal gambar ini.
Ini sebenarnya petikan dari sajak yang ditulis oleh Mr. D! *wah wah* I typed it back for some good reasons. Hehe. Panjang lagi sebenarnya, tapi ni bait-bait last. Awww.

4. Kali terakhir makan pizza?
Puasa-puasa ni tanya pasal pizza pulak -__-"
Time pergi KBMall dengan both my parents, masa first week cuti sem nih. Take out bawa balik rumah. Pizza Hut. Rindu Nanamia Pizzaaaa though! Yummyyy! *Eh eh,puasa!*

5. Lagu terakhir anda dengar?

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well, that's alright because I love the way you lie

Love the way you lie by Eminem ft. Rihanna
( Tiada maksud tersirat di sebalik lagu. Saje je dengar)

6. Apa anda buat sambil menyelesaikan tag ini?

Dengar lagu
Tengok kartun (Hagemaru to be exact)
Bancuh Milo --> perhatian! Bukan untuk diri saya. Saya puasa. Untuk Fawwaz tu.

7. Selain name sendiri, anda dipanggil dengan name ape?

Fana - few friends panggil.
Long/Kak long - family panggil. Yes,saya anak pertama.
Adik panadol - haaa. Ni gelaran yang Kachuk kasik, sampai la sekarang kalo ber-wall-to-wall dengan dia mesti dia tulis adik panadol. Nanti la kita bukak kisah ni satu hari nanti okayh?
Bulat/gendut/jelek - by Mr. D

8. Tag 5 orang yang anda nak tag

Anak Pak cik Rahmat
Si Beauty Betik
Mommy of Monkichi
Mbak Yoyon
Leonard

9. siapa no 1 anda? no 2?
No. 1 - Oh dia ni adalah pemilik Kudazuki yang selalu menjadi tunggangan saya suatu ketika dahulu. Sekarang pun masih, tapi dah jarang-jarang. Best buddy. Forografer yang hebat. Basketballer. Kami kenal mula-mula dulu kat KTT, alkisahnya, si dia ni suka buat bunyi aneh dengan mulut beliau. Masa saya nak turun tangga apartment saya terdengar bunyi seakan-akan kucing apalagi, mak aiii, berteriak la saya dek kejutan yang dialami. Oh, saya agak alergik dengan kucing dan haiwan-haiwan comel ni. Beliau juga menjadi Hero saya sebab telah menyelamatkan saya dari dikejar oleh seorang budak lelaki yang membawa kucing semata-mata untuk menakutkan saya. *Haaa!Kan dah cakap tadi*

No. 2 - Kamilah generasi pertama yang memanggil beliau Betik *shinggg*.Bangga. Bangga. Sampai sekarang fofuler nama Bet** ni di sekalian teman-teman. Ni salah sorang geng KTT ni, dan pernah menjadi bibik di apartment kami di KTT dulu. wahaha. Dari single, sekarang dah "It's complicated". Ada perkembangan terbaru. Update me puhlisss!

10. Katakan sesuatu pade no 5
Gara-gara you sangat kepoh dan suka bergosip --> "Circle of Trust my friend!"

11. No 3 ade hubungan dengan siapa?
Oh. Senang je tu. Semua orang dah al-maklum dah. Dah 2 tahun dia bersama kekasih hati dia sekarang ni. Budak tu orang kuat DOTA jugak tuh. Hehe

12. Kata kata cinta pada no 4
I love futsal! And I know you do too!

13. Berikan 5 perkara yang anda tahu tentang orang yang tag anda
Dia ni mak aiii!Kalau dah bershopping macam tak ingat dunia! I've been throught one of her shopping list. If a shopping list is actually to prevent you from buying unnecessary stuff, elak terlebih bajet, plan untuk beli barang yang kita perlu bukan yang kita mahu, but she jot down shades and perfume on her shopping list. HAHA. Gila la!
you know what Fatin, you nanti boleh buka your own butik just buy selling all the things you have now!

She's everybody's friend. Peramah tak kira dengan sesiapa pun. Tak sombong, baik hati. Kawan yang boleh diharap untuk menyimpan rahsia dan bergosip! xoxo

Banyak skandal ni. Hoho. Ramai beratur nak masuk line. Tapi line tak tahu la dah clear ke tak. Takpe, take your time, find another perfect guy ;)

Very much independent. A strong lady i can say.

Suka membaca. Dalam bedroom dia kat Jogja ada banyak mags, novel, even buku medik yang tebal-tebal tu hah! Berbeza kot dengan saya.


Lastly, thank you for tagging Fatin :)

Yaya

She's not just a sister, but a bestfriend as well. It's always been that way, but since we rarely talk to each other due to our miles-distance and our own bussiness, I now don't know what or how to start a conversation with her. But still, we miss each other, I know that fact.

It's worth it, to come over to her place just to see her, spend time together (together means, she's at her campus and I'm all alone at her house??but we're going out tonight, hehe), getting to know her friends, so much worth it.

I HEART YOU YAYA,
I always do sugar :)

One thing I discover : Almost everytime before I went back to Malaysia, I'll be

broke broke broke

*sigh*

Nightmares

Lately I've been dreaming about creepy stuff, ghosts to be exact. Weird. After Tikah said that it's actually one of the way the ghost want to disturb you, it gets creepier! Last night was the worst since it woke me up at 2 in the morning, but then as I was so scared, I didn't dare to open my eyes (as I was afraid that I might see THAT thing) let alone to turn over in bed.

There I was, lying restlessly, thinking about sneaking into Tikah's or Hanim's room because I couldn't bear sleeping alone. I made a small move, changed my sleep position, carefully even I couldn't hear the move. But then, the thought of having to go out of the bed and waking them up were just a total absurd. So I close my eyes, lie still, try to keep breathing and shove away all those nightmares, till I doze off again.

O wanna go homeee right now please!

Despicable me?

It's good to have someone who you can talk and share things when you need someone to listen and just hear you. Bear with everything you said, be it about good or bad stuff (heh). It's even great if that someone can always give you wise words, but you know you'll always have their support no matter what.

The truth is, it's hard to find that someone. Someone who can catch you before you fall, or even if you did, they'll be the one who pick you up.

Being close with people around you that makes you feel comfy, is like waking up with the smell of coffee in the air, or the taste of thick hot chocolate before you went to bed or getting a super extra squeezy squishy nuzzle huggle knock-you-down blow-you-over smoochy sloppy hug. (i miss fawwaz's kisses and hugs, totally!)

Moral : DESPICABLE ME in 3D is a must-watch movie :D

3 thumbs up!!!

P/s: Sikit pun takde kena mengena dengan intro kan? Layan je la -__-a

You weren't here.
And I wasn't there.
We've grown far apart.

So far that I feel too shy to even say,

I miss you. I miss our friendship.

Rindu.

I was so overwhelmed with the fact that everyday I get a goodbye from a friend, which is heading home. People left, day by day and I was counting my days to get home.

HOME. That's what I miss the most at this moment. I miss the chaos, the comfort of just being surrounded by more than just familiar, beloved people. I almost cry when i was on the phone with Fawwaz. Rindu nak peluk, nak buli, nak main dengan dia. Sabar, sabar.

Post OSCE

It's a GREAT relief after OSCE, though at some stations I didn't perform that well due to lack of times and lack of knowledge (-->IV line). No more nightmares, no more palpitation and now I just feel like rehat, tido,rehat, tido and have fun fun fun.

Not to forget, got 2 paper to remed and a seminar proposal to deal with. Huaaa. Better start to work work work!

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now

It's not over yet.

I feel disappointed. With my unpreparedness, but most of all, woth the exam questions. Soalan macam haram tak berkualiti. Susah-susah hafal all those drugs, mechanism etc., alih-alih keluar soalan tak penting.

I always listen to Mr.D lamenting about his mistakes in answering exam paper, but in the end, he was the one with flying colours. But I know very well that he deserved that. So much for effort that he put for exam.

Masih ada baaaaanyak lagi exam yang menunggu. I wish it's gonna be nice and smooth.

OSCE = nightmares!

p/s : sekarang rasa sangat kerdil. sangat tak suka dengan perasaan ini :/

Hey there!

Happy Birthday!

p/s : Shhh...It'll be our top secret. I promise! Who else I'm gonna tell right? :)

We used to walk to campus during our first and second year. Then when Hanim bought her bike, she's been giving me ride ever since. No more morning sweats, no more panicking when I woke up late, no more rush (though actually when we walked we often arrived earlier at campus). I miss walking. I miss being dependent only on myself. Being attached and cling to other people around make me feel weak. At times, it seems as if I was just taking advantages on them.

So I walked to Rumah Coklat, alone. And I walked to campus for TFSS yesterday, by myself. I know, if I called Mr. D yesterday he would have come and pick me up at home.
It's just that I need to know that whenever I don't have people around me, I won't be that much helpless. I need to stand on my feet. I need to feel that I'm still capable of doing things on my own. I used to be that strong girl. I used to.

*browsing pictures of vespa*

...like seriously

Sometimes we didn't ask about something because we hate to be seen as a moron.
" Soalan senang pun nak tanya" kan?

But at times, we didn't ask because we're afraid of what would be the answer. I'm afraid of knowing, and I'm not ready to listen to things I wish I won't hear. So I waited. Patiently.

The same thing happened sometimes when I was in the middle of a battle:

I, vs. my ego mind.

I was afraid of fighting because I was afraid of losing.
I know I couldn't bear any lost. So I waited. If I knew I would be defeated, then the best thing to do is to leave. Mengaku kalah sebelum bertanding.

ROAR!

Cis! Takde makna betul -_-" Takde semangat kental langsung. Baru kena jentik sikit dah nak terpelanting.

Be strong baby be strong ;)

What's down?

Kadang-kadang kita kena rasa perasaan orang yang berada di bawah. Kalah tak bererti hina dan keji. Dah memang adat.

Agak terkilan dengan kekalahan futsal tadi, tapi bukan sebab kecewa dengan teammates, atau tak puas hati dengan pihak lawan, tapi mungkin sebab selalu berada di atas, kita lupa nak jenguk ke bawah. Takpe, sekali-sekala kalah pun cool jugak kan? ;)

CHEERS!

Inferior

At times, when you compared yourself to others, especially to girls with such perfections ; Beauty, brainiac and bright, you'll keep on searching for their lackings, there must be any, somewhere. But only to realised that you were way behind them. Dream on. You might never be in their league.

I believe that people are born with their own special talent. Look for that. Look into yourself. Deep down, you're special. Maybe not to everyone, but to those who see you they way others don't. Cheers babyyy!

"We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see
In anyone else but you"

-Anyone else but you by The Moldy Peaches-

Soccer : Ball vs Men

I once thought that football or soccer is all about few guys chasing over ONE ball. Dumb. Dulu la. And I don't have the slightest interest to watch the game except just to spot few good-looking dude. Teehee. I'm not into any sport before actually. Before.

Now? Hahaha. Watching these players main pun boleh jadi emo kejap. Rasa macam ,"Ei dia ni,main la betol-betol!".

But still, sempat la spot the good looking guys kan? :p

What if we wake up one morning, only to find that our spirit is no where to be found?

Besok dah kena ada semangat balik!
please!

Tuah...Tuah...

I've been digging my inner self, hoping that I would find a solution.

Otak tengah berserabut.

Mr. D gave his opinion. "Kena ada matlamat, tujuan. Refleksi diri." There's no one to blame except your own self. "Tinggal apa yang kita suka, buat benda yang kita susah nak buat."

Tahu. Tahu. Kita yang kena jadi pendorong utama. Penggerak. Bagi motivasi dan kekuatan kepada diri sendiri. Sebanyak mana semangat orang kasi pun, kalau bukan kita yang mengorak langkah, satu habuk pun takde. Semuanya dari kita. Kita.

Tahu jugak tu. Tapi kadang letih. Lelah sebab kena sentiasa berjuang. Tanpa tahu apa kesudahan. Memang fakta juga bahawa usaha kita tak cukup. Tak setara dengan kegigihan orang lain. Tak sama dengan pengorbanan mereka.

Lena lagi kot. Dengan keberuntungan macam dulu-dulu. Masa kecik-kecik. Main banyak, study sikit, result maintain. Hai tuah, mana kau pergi?

Hati tak tenang. Kena banyak muhasabah diri. :/

I was there for you, don't go and tell others as if you're neglected.
And I for once wants to be appreciated.
And the very least thing you could do is pretend as if I'm there.

Hidup kadang tak seperti yang kita mahu.
Fate.
Tapi kita pun berkuasa mengubah takdir.

P/s : Terasa diri tak dihargai? Mungkin kita hanya syok sendiri.

Pejam

Celik

Pejam

Celik

Jam berdetik, tidak lelah menghitung waktu.

Bila la nak balik?

************

It's already mid-May. This year's May is full of blessings, so far. I had a great time in Bandung and returning back to Jogja felt awesome *despite having to go to classes as we're starting Block 3.6*. Two great birthday celebrations with dearest people. More and more surprises.

Surprise surprise.
:/

Result 3.4 keluar. Gred rendah macam hape. Sepatutnya dah tak surprise lagi kalau boleh rendah. Memang dah selalunya tak berapa tinggi pun kan. But maybe because I was hoping that for this 3rd year, I don't have to remed any paper dah :|. Hishhh.

Hishh hishh.

Dah berapa kali ulang kesilapan yang sama. Tak pernah serik-serik. Tak reti-reti nak bertaubat. Bila la nak kembali ke pangkal jalan. Hmmph. Seringkali kecewa dengan diri sendiri, tapi tak sedar-sedar jugak.

Sekian.
Takde benda nak tulis sebenarnya.
Dek kerana bosan dan untuk mengelakkan dari mata betul-betul terpejam sampai pagi besok, inilah hasilnya.
Maaf.

The Fall

I had the MOST HIDEOUS FALL ever today :|

Ini lah namanya menconteng arang ke muka sendiri. Konon nak save bola dari out free-free je. Gila semangat la kejar bola kan sampai tiba-tiba loss balance, tak boleh stop dari lari sebab mengalami inersia level tahap tertinggi. Cuba stop dan regain balance. THRICE. Tiga kali beb. Dah la seeelooooow motion gile jatuh tadi. Dalam hati time tu, "jangan la jatuh jangan la jatuh".

Selaju-laju berlari mengejar bola, akhirnya jatuh tergolek ke tanah jua. Dah la sempat berlutut dulu sebelum bergolek. Bongooook. T_T Nasib la takde yang rakam kejadian petang tadi. Malu siot. *dush dush*

Kalau jatuh sebab orang sepak ke, tersadung kaki player lain ke, takpe jugak kan? Boleh bangun dan buat muka slack habis. Tapi sebab jatuh sorang-sorang, nak kata angin kencang ala-ala tornado pun tak, so kena la cover dengan bangun cepat-cepat dan berlagak cool.

Sesiapa yang tak sempat nampak tadi, kesian gile la korang sebab aku pon hampir gelakkan diri sendiri sebenarnya.Sape suruh gelakkan Prathap yang jatuh dengan buruknya haritu. Sekali diri sendiri terbabas dan jatuh dengan lebih sadis. Wuwuwuuuu :(



Wahai audiences tadi, sila lupakan saya. Lupakan kejadian tadi. Malu nyah! Maluuuuu :p

p/s : Kitorang menang 6-0. Yay! Jom score banyak-banyak lagi!

He Was a Jerk

I was stalking my ex (oops) in his FB. Hahaa. To look back at him now, I try to remember how on earth I was in love with him. (Please note : 'was')

Things went out of plan last year, I feel so stupid at once. I was outrageous and mad as our relationship failed. The worse is when I was left without a word. I know he didn't have a heart to break my heart. And we both knew, long ago, that our relationship won't go any further.

He's a jerk (maaf) but he was. Tapi he's very honest and the fact that we can be bestfriends is just awesome. I hated him for quite some time. But then, hatred doesn't bring you anything but more and more sufferers. So I decided to be friend. There's nothing wrong with being forgiveable. It just made you a wiser and matured person.

We do contact each other now and we both have moved on. And we told each other when we are in our currrent relationship. So, cheers!


p/s: I dont know why I wrote this. Ignore je.

I painted my nail RED! :)
This is cool :))

Next time I wanted to paint it LIME GREEN with BLUE. Hahahaha. Crazy? Maybe :p

Nak Duit?

My heart pleaded. No no. But my body went the other way. Act and react opposed to what my innerself told me. I just realized how foolish I was. I degraded myself that now I feel disgust with me. Feel like burying myself into a deep grave. Benci benci. Ada obat amnesic tak? I wanted to erase that particular moment. :(

***************

Abaikan ayat-ayat di atas. Hanyalah sekadar intro yang tak penting, hanya nak tulis as self-reminder.

Sedih gile hari Khamis lepas. Buka purse, duit nipis je, tinggal beberapa keping. Buat bayar Alpha Quest. Nak makan nasi pun tak cukup. Last-last terpaksa jugak pecahkan sekeping not Rp 20k yang ada dalam purse semata-mata nak isi jugak perut ni and keluar makan kat Mie Bakso tepi Talenta. Try mee, tak berapa masak. I wanted to ask the mas to celur my mee even longer, tapi Mr D cakap tak payah, rendam je dulu lama-lama. Sedih. Sebab that was the first proper meal I'm having, but then it turned out to be not-well-cooked. Hampir saja menitis air mata. *over la jugak kan* Sebab time takde duit ni nak kena jimat dan hemat. Huhu.


P/s : sekarang baru nak rasa nilai sekeping not Rp 1k. Bersyukur la dengan apa yang kita ada kan?

$_$

More Birthdays to Come!

2 days ago we celebrated Alya's birthday. And yes, with only few pennies in our pocket, it was just a small celebration, nothing fancy. We managed to pull things together and make it a great one though! :)

I've been wanting to post about Yon's, Pqah's and Fatin's birthday as well, but then, time flies so fast that only now I feel like joting down something. Happy Belated Birthday darlings. You're among those people whom I can trust and confide in.

Ini Yon. Dia dulu tak suka warna merah jambu tapi alih-alih banyak je baju dia warna pink (yang corak-corak floral tu). Hohoho. She's into futsal very much. She's a person that we can count on to. Responsible. Punctual. Rajin. She has a good taste too. A good companion kalau nak shop :)

Pqah...So far you're the best shopping buddy. Takde lagi orang lain yang boleh kalahkan you in my chart list :p
You're number one lah!
A great baker and cook. Rajin, baik, have a good sense of fashion. You're a pretty girl!Trust me :)
p/s: we are so gonna go for a shoe-hunting after scholar masuk!

Pqah lagi. Eh eh, ni nak tunjuk gambar Alya ok? Kalo letak gambar aku ngan Alya kang, orang cakap mencapap pulak kan? -_-"
She's a very creative cook, mixing ingredients together and gave us a new taste of delicious cuisine!

Ketiga-tiga mereka pandai memasak, jadi dah ada greenlight kalau nak kawin! ;p
May we become a more mature and wise person. Amin.


Kena pikir pasal birthday Mr. D pulak. I have no slighest idea about how to celebrate it. Wew.
I'm not a planner, malas nak plan apa-apa boleh? Kita tengok je nanti apa yang terlintas nanti. Hoohoho

“You know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles
and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast?
Well that’s what it’s like when I see a store.
Only it’s better.”

— Rebecca Bloomwood in Confession of a Shopaholic -

p/s : Bila la scholar nak masuk kan? *___*

One word for now...

PROPOSAL!

Daddy please?

Can I have a return ticket from Jogja to KB after my 3.5 block exam?
Please Daddy?

*membulatkan mata macam Puss dalam Shrek, bajet comel la sangat kan?*

Unplanned

I didn't raised up to be a graceful lady, but to be a hard-core type.

I didn't want to climb, yet, I fell from the top.

I told you I ain't fighting a losing battle, but in the end, I found myself fighting, alone.

I didn't plan fot it to happen, but then I've failed.

I thought it'll be alright, just fine, but then I should think twice, thoroughly.

I didn't cry, but I laugh, so hard, shadowing my greatest fear.



p/s : There's just so many unplanned things.

Aim as high as the sky!
Literally!
:)

Pelik!

Though it's the study period (few days before our exams) but we still manage to kill some time on facebook-ing, blogging, googl-ing, youtub-ing, twitter-ing, tumblr-ing and you name it! That was the time when simply everything will pop out of your head. EVERYTHING. Tapi lepas je exam, perasaan nak buat semua benda tu akan menurun, dah kurang nafsu. Haha. Kenapa ah? Cacat betul la! -_-a

ammar Faiz : fawaz tdr
ammar Faiz : good luck
ammar Faiz : sampai bilo exam
farhana : hari rabu dan khamis jah
farhana : amai kat umah ke?
ammar Faiz : ya
farhana : eh
ammar Faiz : dk wkgapo tu
farhana : cuti ke sekarang?
ammar Faiz : ya
ammar Faiz : nanti k long blk kito gi noodle station
farhana : ok ok :)



YEAY! Noodle Station! :D
I love you lah Brother!

" The greatest for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it,
but that it is too low that we reach it " - Michelangelo

Bo-ong!

Hanim went into my room just now. She need an advice on how to kelentong the secretariat about something. Of all people, kenapa? Kenapa saya? HAHA. Mungkin sebab saya lebih berani? Oh, mungkin juga sebab saya boleh buat muka tak bersalah. Atau... Mungkinkah sebab saya lebih pandai menipu dari dia? *apekah kan?!*
Last-last dia minta temankan dia jumpa sekretariat besok :p



P/s : By the way, facial expression sangat penting supaya kita tak kantoi bila nak menipu. HAHA. Kena maintain cool je okay?

Mari Berjuang!


Fighting against yourself is the greatest war. Tahan diri dari nafsu sendiri, dari keinginan hati yang membuak-buak. MALAS. Sindrom yang sering kita(baca : saya sorang je kot) hadapi pabila tiba waktu nak exam. Dah dah. Cukup la tidur dan membuang masa.



p/s: Rindu nak buat parents bangga dengan diri ini lagi. Dulu kan best, boleh dapat markah 100% dalam banyak subjek. HEHE. Time darjah satu je kot :p

Dear FATIN MAZIAH,



p/s: Saje je nak tujukan for you. Haha. Just for fun okay? Chill babe.

Love,
Farhana Joni

"Life is short, forgive sooner, love with true love, laugh without control and always keep smiling.

Maybe life is not the party that we were expecting, but in the mean time, we're here and we can still dance....."

Penting ke?(Mungkin tidak)

Oh! Sudah lama tidak menulis. Somethings are worth to be kept to oneself. Nak jaga hati kan Sudin? Ataupun sebab things can be embarrassing to let people know about you. Yes, the fugly facts etc etc...

"Ala...Semua orang cakap pasal prinsip,pendirian, tapi last-last tak ikut pun"

I was being told that when I was telling about my own principle. Imagine. Macam kena sebijik atas muka. And that was rude dude. Way too rude and harsh and obnoxious and discomfortly irritating. Shocking. Well, yes. Of all people, I don't expect to hear that from you. You just don't know me that well do you?

I respect myself, my own principles and I hope you do too. Coz it's just too bad if you can't accept that. Mind you, I'm such a tough b**** and now, you just make me even tougher. Sekian, terima kasih ;)