***
21st October 2011

Forensic Department makes me become paranoid, or perhaps in a nicer description, extra careful. I do not own a bicycle, let alone a motorbike. Have been the passanger for few years, still I cannot find my confidence to drive (well, maybe if it's my own bike, or when I drive alone). Minor accidents and incidents have psychologically traumatized me, and cost me some amount of money *sobs*.

But then somehow, you gotta do things on your own and stop depending too much on people, so I there I was, on the phone with my parents, trying to propose the idea og me having a bike. My dad said yes IF, if only it is used for short distance travel. I could not lie to him, so I told him the distance from here to immigration (the second place most visited after Sardjito). I got a NO. Expected. Accepted. Unquestionable.

***
27 October 2011

Got a simple text from my Abah followed by a call from Mama while my group was discussing about exam questions. These make my heart melts, to the extent of which I have to control my tears from streaming down. Alhamdulillah.

Those were the days..

I miss this!

... and having someone to heret ke hulu ke hilir as a company :)
Thank you!

p/s : Tomo's sister offered herself to be my shopping buddy! That's just superrrcool :D

Strayed

I travelled,
through these roads
to where it'll bring me.
No where to go.
No destination.

I walked,

swirling in the oceans of people
to find my own contentment
but I got tired
and drown
in exhaustion.

I strayed.
But please don't let me go too far,
where you can't reach me anymore.

I had so much to say, so much to tell, but I kept it to myself.
People judges, and sometimes we can't just blame them.
Ain't no deaf, nor blind.

A couple of months later

I'm not a passionate writer. Penulisan pun tak bagus. Dah banyak idea about nak tulis, especially about life in KOAS and the values within yang dapat dikutip :p

Being a 'Dokter Muda' for about 2 months, I gained a lot. Perhaps not as much as others, tapi sebab rasa berguna pada orang lain, I feel good about it. Not that it was all bright and sunny, I have to mentioned that the first few weeks was a bit miserable (for me). Maybe because of the new environment, new system, new faces. But fun is an option, whether you want to make one or be miserable sorang-sorang :p

Bukan yang tua je boleh kena penyakit saraf, but most of the beds in bangsal saraf were filled with elderly. Neuro department taught me so much about life, and death too.

Case 1 : An old woman, came into neuro ward with recurrent stroke, gara-gara tak control blood pressure. She had bihemiparese with motoric aphasia and some cranial nerve paresis. She couldn't utter a word, but she can still understand what's being said. Poor her, kalau nak minum, she pointed to her lips, as a sign of thirst. Two weeks after, right before she is discharged, she gets better, she moaned, though incomprehensible, but still, there's a positive progress.

Case 2 : An old man warded because of headache and impaired cognitive function. His CT scan showed an astrocytoma, I'm not sure the exact location of the tumor, nor his prognosis. I accompanied my friend to interview him, and to test his IQ level. He is funny and very welcoming, and talkative too. Sadly he sometimes paused between the conversation, trying to recall simple words like 'pencil', 'clock' etc. He told us that he was once can read, write and speak fluently, but now, those become difficult for him. Nevertheless, I admired his spirit, he don't want to be dragged by his illness, he wanted to recover fast, to perform his Umroh :') I feel like cheering him with a pom-pom right at that moment.

Ugly things could happened to anyone. But then hope become the new strength.

Dokter Muda

That's the title from now on :)



My first department is Dermatology & Venerealogy, and alhamdulillah, so far, ni lah stase yang paling santai daripada stase-stase lain. No on-call, no jaga (yet), working only at office hours (7/8am till 12pm, sometimes up to 3pm, depends if we have to attend the case reports or presentations by the DV residents).

First week
was a total suffer! I went early for work, hoping that I can go home early too. For the first 3 days, the only place we hang out is in campus, Gedung Radiopoetro lantai 3. Had to attend lectures ( tentiran), case reports, clinical pathology reports, grand round (which is basically more or less the same with case reports, journal presentations etc. And oh my! Borrring okay!

It felt good to be at campus again, tapi lama-lama rasa macam we don't belong there anymore. Takde muka-muka yang kita kenal tsk tsk T_T

The next 3 days, we were placed in poliklinik at Sardjito Hospital, hoping that we would get an interesting cases to be reported to our teaching specialists later. Tapi hampeh! The only thing we did was standing like a tunggul kayu, uncomfortably. Kita tak selesa, the residents tak selesa, patients pun tak selesa. Lagi ramai doktor dari pesakit. As I recalled, my Indonesian friend said, "Baru rasa jadi yang namanya koas, kerjanya cuma nganggur".

Second week
My group of three are sent to Klaten. Kat sini baru rasa best sikit. The nurses are very kind, siap bagi kitorang interview patients lagi. Resident DV pun baik. Bagi can dekat adik-adik koas buat anamnesis, ajar dan explain about the diseases in DV. At least pergi jauh-juah bukan tanam anggur semata-mata.

And when patients refer to you as 'doctor', that felt very very good :)
Rasa macam we meant something to them.

Alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah :')
For every achievement up to this day

Walaupun tak sehebat orang yang dapat cumlaude, tak se'terrer' orang yang selalu dapat A, tak sebagus orang yang selalu pass OSCE. Susah-susah dahulu, baru boleh bersenang-senang kan? Alhamdulillah, dah dapat yudisium (pass semua block sebelum nak grad). Walaupun pernah dapat D dulu, dua kali ambil remedials baru dapat naik. Walaupun tiap-tiap tahun OSCE mesti ada yang sangkut, alhamdulillah untuk OSCE Compre, lulus.

Tapi sekarang rasa macam takut, say, nanti kena first wave, then what?

I pray the best
the best for me
the best for us
the best for everyone.

Women!

I don't mean to throw this at you..But what a woman wants? I mean, I can't figure it out. They want us to ask? They don't want us to ask? They want us to make a move? Not make a move? Use hair products? Don't use hair products? What do you people want?
I'll tell you. But you have to promise not to say I told you.
I swear.
Because it it a sacred secret.
Sacred secret. *nodding*
You ready?
Yeah.
Are you sure?
I think so.
Ok. Come here. *whispering* We have absolutely no idea what we want.
I knew it! I knew it!

- dialogue in P.S. I Love You -

Eat Pray Love

Wish I had list of things to do so I won't feel this much boring! Having tasks to complete is such a bless because at least we feel as if we are needed, and we have target day by day. My days now are aimless that I helplessly NEED to find something to do just to kill my time, which at one point I feel much regret upon staying longer here. Sigh. I know, it's not helpful to feel regret at this point. I was the I who decide that I want to stay longer, to manage our 'wisuda' leisurely, with no pressure, no rush( like how I did to my seminar hasil, pendadaran and preparation for '07 Masquerade Night).

I was at the urge of deciding to go to Bandung by myself two days ago, but then money issue strikes and gives me a big slap on that thoughts. Sigh. And I was brought back to reality in an instant. Yes, again, all I can do is sighing. Pffft.

If only I had a lum sum of money in my bank account now, I would pack my back at this moment, and go for a bagpack-travel, perhaps to Karimun Jawa or maybe to Bali. My cousins were there yesterday by the way. Up till this second, I'm still imagining myself backpacking to Karimun Jawa. That's the third sigh!



Oh, I bought this book, Eat Pray Love, with the hope of that I won't feel bored if I were to just sit at home. I flipped through few pages for about 30 minutes and here I am in front of my laptop. I have to admit that I am not a home-y type, who can just sit at home, clean up the room, do the laundry, read novels or magazines, settle in front of TV and take a light nap at noon. That is just not me! Unless if we have a cable TV right here in Jogja, then I would go for settling in front of TV, minus all the other parts. Heh.

So after all these craps I wrote of what I called as my silent tantrum, I am sitting in my room, typing these sentences. And back to reality, once again. LAME. Zzzz

Too much stress

Being the first to be done with OSCE is such a bliss, but then that mean you have to go first. Sejak first year selalu kena on the first day, and first session for the second, third and this coming OSCE compre.

Tak nak mengeluh. Tapi letih bila dengar orang yang next session cakap takde semangat. Try to be in the first session. Then you can mengeluh sepuas-puasnya.

I try to keep my spirit high, but to listen to such toneless spirit of yours, it pulled my spirit down too :(

So, I shouted out loud, "SEMANGAT! SEMANGAT!" in my effort to prevent my spirit drained away. I need people to cheer me up too, bukan hanya sekadar mengeluh terus.

All the best people!

"Ya Rabbi, permudahkan urusan kami"

Breaking Point

I'm on the verge of my breaking point. Oh. I was. That's what happened yesterday. I cried twice, eh thrice actually sebab otak tersumbat nak kena pikir exam 2.6 besok, seminar hasil lusa and semalam happened to be my turn to cook and our turn to buy groceries.

Sikit lagi rasa macam nak teriak-teriak jerit-jerit kat sapa-sapa kan. Nasib baik boleh control lagi errgh. But I ended up menjerit jugak, atas motor. Nasib baik korang takde kat sebelah tengah bawa motor ke, takut nanti kang ada yang tak pasal-pasal accident atau mati kena heart attack HAHA.

Today's better. Everything is in control. I managed to finish my data analysis by last night (buat yang simple2 je,kata descriptive analysis kan), submit my skill lab assignment petang tadi and get my freaking mind to relax and work at its optimum level ;)

Kena fokus remed 2.6 dulu today. And by tomorrow nak buat sambung buat skripsi bab 4 dan 5. Terima kasih Tuhan. Terima kasih kawan-kawan yang dah tolong ringankan beban :)

Jiaah!Jiayou!

Ragam

Saya tak betah lama-lama di rumah.
Lain la kalau ada buah hati pengarang jantung macam ni kan;

*hugs*

Nak keluuuaaaaar!
Isk isk T_T

AFF 2010 : 2

Flew over to Jakarta for AFF 2010 :)

Semangat takkk? HAHA.
Fortunately AirAsia ticket was not that expensive as compared to train ticket.
Kalau tak mau pokai jugak kan..

Sampai-sampai je dah dijemput...

As you can see there. By bus. Damri namanya.

And by 29th Dec, headed to Gelora Bung Karno.
I wore a white T's as I was already forbidded by few people for few times, to not being too obviously Malaysian. To not to speak a word, not to cheer when Malaysia score a goal, not to wear yellow shirt.
:|
Jalan nak masuk ke stadium tu penuh dengan penjual barang-barang tim merah.
Memang takde la orang yang berani jual atau pakai warna kuning.
I only grabbed a red-white hat.
Kata nak suruh undercover kannn HAHA.


Penuh dengan warna merah ye kawan-kawan.
Intai kiri kanan, pandang atas bawah.
Memang takde kelibat kuning, except for penjual-penjual jajan kat dalam stadium tu.
*Sigh*

Siapa berani nak pakai kuning kalau beribu merah kan.
Dan-dan pulak diorang ni fanatik dan taksub. Err, maksudnya patriotik.



*Ini bukan kepunyaan sendiri*

I was speechless, sebab takut terbongkar ada rakyat Malaysia dalam tempat diorang.

Time la terfikir nak belajar sign language. Tsk tsk.



Things I regret :
1. Tak boleh nak sorak kuat-kuat time Malaysia goal. Hampeh betul. "Oh nooo!" keluar kat mulut, tapi dalam hati bersorak riang. And waktu Fahmi berjaya tangkap bola, aku sorang je yang sengih-sengih, nasib baik yang lain tengah khusyuk tengok game. Rasa macam nak jerit,
"I love you lah!"

2. Ergh. Ada bapak ni tetibe menyelinap masuk duduk depan aku. Sampai kena duduk kat tempat bersandar tu je. Hufff

3. Takde orang jual barang Malaysia, kalau tak, boleh beli buat ole-ole untuk korang kan. :(

4. Takde siaran ulangan kalau dah gol, zoom in sape yang jatuh ke, kena sepak ke. Tengok je la dari kejauhan. Takde ulasan jugak. Ulas sesama kitorang je.

5. Masuk MetroTV tapi tak boleh nak mengaku sebagai rakyat Malaysia huuuu. Dah la muka macam bengong. Entah apa-apa kan. Aaaaa benciii :/

Tengah-tengah lost nak cari jalan keluar dari stadium tu sempat kena interview.

Mas MetroTV : Mbak..mbak..Mbak ni pendukung timnas atau peminat sepak bola?

Budak Sesat : Errr, sepak bola. Heee *sengih dengan muka konyol*

Mas MetroTV : Menurut mbak bagaimana permainan timnas tadi?

Budak Sesat : Emmm, dah bagus koq. *bagi signal suruh Tomo jawab soalan seterusnya*

Then a crowd of people menuju kat kitorang nak tumpang glamour le tuh ish. Pantang ada kamera sebok je nak masuk TV kan. Mas tu sebenarnya nak interview female supporter.


Persoalan yang timbul lepas tu adalah;
1) Sejak bila aku ni minat bola sepak? Ada follow mana-mana liga? Kenal ke pemain-pemain bola? TEEET!
2) Bagus ke Timnas Indonesia main? Maybe better la dari first game yang kat Malaysia haritu. Tapi sayang ah diorang tak boleh goal time dapat penalti. Rugi wooo. Nampak macam slow je dia tendang.


Errrrghhh.Kan dah cakap. Bengong! TEEEEEEEET!

N 70

Setelah genap empat tahun dan sehari berbakti, Nokia N70 saya terjun ke dalam air, tak sempat nak resusitasi, hanya sekadar lap dengan tisu yang sedia ada. Walaupun macam kejap je tenggelam, tapi bila angkat balik dah padam. Bukak-bukak pun, ambil simcard dan memory card. Tu je yang ingat. Eh penting kot kan? Dah la waktu tu tengah nak ready for jama' Maghrib-Isya' sebelum naik train (jakarta-jogja).

Pastu sebok la pinjam handphone orang kan, nak bagitahu jatuh macam, errr, nanti je lah cerita nak bersedih sorang-sorang dulu -_-". I was acting like nothing happened, konon-konon cool la kan.




Well, when you get too occupied or too attached to things that is not an eternal promise, you tend to get stranded. Till one day when that thing is taken from you and you can't get it back, only then you realized that there is no such eternity, and baru macam rasa sayang gila bab* la kan. Haruuu.

Tetibe rasa nak makan kuih bakul sebab nampak kat superindo tadi.
My favourite!
Eh! Takde kena mengena dengan kisah kat atas :p